I had a chat with a super good friend of mine about how this summer has been the bestest ever for both of us, we don't want it to end, we want life to stay exactly like it is right now and how neither of us has any motivation to go to school. We're both really emotional at the minute she's crying, I'm fighting it... and I just thought I'd pull together a little post about the whole concept, summer.
What I've loved the most about this summer is that I haven't needed to think. I've lived one day at a time, most of the time not even knowing what day it is. I've done what I've been told to do, on free time whatever the hell I've wanted to, worked hard and put all my thoughts in what I'm doing. I've had no need to stress about anything, nothing to worry about, nothing to even really upset me. Of course there's been "drama" but it's all been so petty and irrelevant, of no importance. Just shallow drama that everyone would forget about in no time. All about understanding and forgiveness, and though it sounds really silly and hippie, it's true. No grudges, and no need to apologise to anyone about anything, mostly because there's been nothing to apologise about.
This summer every day has been different. Even though a disgustingly large part of it has been boring as hell, I'd rather take all the boringness eeh? boredom? no idea. ten million billion times than none of this summer at all. I've experienced so much, both bad and good things and have grown up so much mentally. The range of feelings I've felt is a hundred times bigger than anything I've ever been feeling in my life. Both happiness and sadness, anger and laughter, everything together and separately.
I'm not saying that this summer has been the perfect summer to fill every teenage girls expectations. Of course not. It's not even the "perfect summer" I've always been dreaming of. No way. But this summer was exactly what I needed at this point in my life, at this age and the situation I'm in back in Finland. I'm so grateful for these nearly 2,5 months that I've been able to be out of my own life, stress, work, school and problems.
One of the reasons I'm writing this is probably because I secretly believe in YOLO, and simply because it is true. This is the one life I have, and it's my mission to make the best of it. We'll never get back the times that we spend doing nothing, or the opportunities that we turn down. I'm not saying #YOLO swag and meaning that we should do stupid and reckless things while we can. That only makes the one life we have an awful much shorter. I'm saying that because we only have one life, we should take all the good opportunities we're offered, live to the fullest and always aim to be happy. I sound like I'm light headed or high when I say this but seriously, I think this world would be a cool place to live in if people did more of what makes them happy than what's politically correct and appropriate.
I'm gonna miss all of this summer, even the bad times at the beginning, the times that truly have taught me that boys are dicks, and the times that taught me to never take anyone's reliability for granted... Most of all I'm going to miss the moments with lots of laughter, smiling, friends, happiness, success, excitement... The moments when I've done something I'd never done before, something that I couldn't ever even have imagined doing. Moments I've spent with people that I might never see again, in a place that I might never come to again. It makes me sad to think about it, how these couple days might be the last days that I'll ever see my flatmate who has become so important to me. I can't describe how much he really means to me. I don't think he even knows it himself. The funny quiet relationship we have is something I've never experienced before, but it's a huge part of everything here. I already miss him craploads, don't even want to know what it's going to be like :/ be in this house, be with the horses... I hate knowing that I have to leave behind Pony and all the work I've done with him and how much I love him, Annie and how much she's improved and even MoCara and our love-hate relationship.
This was not supposed to turn into a sad weepy story, but oops. I'm not admitting that I'm crying but I just might be...
F this. I'm gonna go sleeping I hate life. I'm going to curl into a ball and hide inside my closet until the 9th and "OOPS I MISSED MY FLIGHT what to do what to do... :)"